elbow

A few nights ago, Boyfriend woke up suddenly, because I had snatched all of the covers away. As he started to sit up in groggy protest, I continued to thrash around and planted an elbow in his eye, hard enough that he was worried that he would have a black eye, and that he was still complaining that it hurt two days later.

pizza party

One night last month:

"Don't peel off too many layers. I don't do pepperoni. Why did you get a pepperoni pizza??"

hyena-sitting

I'm staying at my cousin's house for a few days, looking after two dogs and a fish.


Looks like sending this email was the last thing I did before falling asleep last night:


"The dogs are going apeshit because there is something outside somewhere that is making a noise that sounds like the ungodly demon child of a police siren and a hyena. Do you have police hyenas with sirens out here?

I'm on Ambien and really should shut down before I start sending emails to clients. I'm going to go wrap myself up in a cocoon of comforter and dream happy dreams of unicorns and rice krispie treats, but no hyena police siren spawn.

Good night."

notable quotes

Boyfriend sometimes writes down the things I say as I'm falling asleep, or randomly in the middle of the night.

Some of his favorites:

"You should just finish the show, sit down outside, and eat your cake." [long pause] "Why won't you let me have some of your cake?"

"It's too bad he was a robot built out of spare tire parts and dreams. I think they had good intentions."

"Are you dating a lot of women from the computer lab?" [long pause] "Monster trucks!!"

Me: Looks like a Furby.
Boyfriend: What looks like a Furby?
Me: The grass.
Boyfriend: The grass looks like a Furby?
Me: The grass and the cows.
Boyfriend: What??
Me: [asleep]

the worst of times

Worst food choice I've ever made in my sleep: uncooked Cream of Wheat, straight out of the box. I woke up choking.

Most expensive food choice I've ever made in my sleep: half a box of super-fancy, extra-special chocolates Boyfriend bought for me to savor. He was rather dismayed that I had plowed through them while unconscious.

Loudest food choice I've ever made in my sleep: a foil- and paper-wrapped candy bar that I unwrapped very clumsily, waking up Boyfriend and sprinkling chocolate crumbs all over the sheets.

always on

Apparently, I checked my email in the middle of the night, saw that I had received a meeting invite, noticed that the pass code to join the phone bridge was too short and that there was no dial-in for the European invitee, and sent this email, which I found in my Sent Mail this morning:


"J---- can you make sure the pass code on your bridge is right, it looks short. Also, c---- will need the international number."


It's somewhat curt, it's missing a comma in the beginning, and the second name isn't capitalized, but over all, not bad for a sleep email.

car talk

Boyfriend and I were in New York last weekend, and we got off the red eye and picked up our rental car to drive two hours north. Boyfriend always accuses me of sleeping whenever we're in the car, so I made a special effort to stay awake and talk to him. I fell partially asleep, anyways, and ended up dreaming while struggling to appear alert and engaged. Our real life conversation morphed into something else in a dream conversation, and for some reason, I thought we were talking about how Asians (and apparently my family in particular) try to blend in and integrate into American society, and so I told him:

"We wear turtlenecks around white people."

I don't wear turtlenecks, and I have no idea why turtlenecks would improve integration.

dunkin' granola

Yesterday morning, I woke up and looked at my nightstand to see what I had gotten up to the night before. I had apparently been very hungry, as there was one empty granola bar wrapper, and another half-eaten granola bar. The half-eaten granola bar was still in its peeled-back wrapper, kind of like a half-eaten banana, and the whole thing had been rather purposefully jammed (open granola side down) into a cup of water.

I was so ravenously hungry when I woke up that I fished the waterlogged granola bar out of the water and ate it (despite the fact that I hate soggy food) before I was able to muster up the energy to get out of bed in search of other food before getting ready for work.

nursing my wounds

I woke up this morning to discover that I had somehow managed to hurt my right ring finger in my sleep. I have no idea how this happened, as there is nothing sharp near my bed. I woke up and saw in my Google Reader feed that my friend Wendy had just posted something about her tendency to hurt herself, especially her hands, so I blame her.

When I got out of bed and went to the bathroom to get ready for work, there was an open tube of Neosporin on the bathroom counter, which means that I must have gotten up in the middle of the night, found the Neosporin, smeared it on my finger, and went back to bed.

This means that I not only can't remember hurting myself in the middle of the night, I also can't remember treating the injury in the middle of the night. Who knows how much Neosporin I used in my sleep -- if it was a lot, then it's smeared all over my sheets. I'm glad the cleaning lady is coming today, so that I'll have fresh sheets.