pizza party

One night last month:

"Don't peel off too many layers. I don't do pepperoni. Why did you get a pepperoni pizza??"

hyena-sitting

I'm staying at my cousin's house for a few days, looking after two dogs and a fish.


Looks like sending this email was the last thing I did before falling asleep last night:


"The dogs are going apeshit because there is something outside somewhere that is making a noise that sounds like the ungodly demon child of a police siren and a hyena. Do you have police hyenas with sirens out here?

I'm on Ambien and really should shut down before I start sending emails to clients. I'm going to go wrap myself up in a cocoon of comforter and dream happy dreams of unicorns and rice krispie treats, but no hyena police siren spawn.

Good night."

notable quotes

Boyfriend sometimes writes down the things I say as I'm falling asleep, or randomly in the middle of the night.

Some of his favorites:

"You should just finish the show, sit down outside, and eat your cake." [long pause] "Why won't you let me have some of your cake?"

"It's too bad he was a robot built out of spare tire parts and dreams. I think they had good intentions."

"Are you dating a lot of women from the computer lab?" [long pause] "Monster trucks!!"

Me: Looks like a Furby.
Boyfriend: What looks like a Furby?
Me: The grass.
Boyfriend: The grass looks like a Furby?
Me: The grass and the cows.
Boyfriend: What??
Me: [asleep]

the worst of times

Worst food choice I've ever made in my sleep: uncooked Cream of Wheat, straight out of the box. I woke up choking.

Most expensive food choice I've ever made in my sleep: half a box of super-fancy, extra-special chocolates Boyfriend bought for me to savor. He was rather dismayed that I had plowed through them while unconscious.

Loudest food choice I've ever made in my sleep: a foil- and paper-wrapped candy bar that I unwrapped very clumsily, waking up Boyfriend and sprinkling chocolate crumbs all over the sheets.