storage

I checked on my bedside peanut butter supply, and I opened the container to find this. Looks like someone decided to put an earplug away for safekeeping. Boyfriend insists that he had nothing to do with it.

faster

This morning:

Me: [BOYFRIEND]!!!
Boyfriend: What?
[long pause]
Me: The gas cap is only for when you're going really fast!

Figured out that this was related to an odd dream in which we had rented a van in Austria and got pulled over by the police. I was trying to understand what the policeman was saying to me about the gas cap in rapid German, and trying to get Boyfriend to pay attention and stop shopping for shoes.

dreamy

I wish I could remember more of my dreams (and that I could figure out what they meant). A couple of weeks ago, Boyfriend told me about a dream I recounted for him upon waking.

In this dream, I would sometimes randomly and unexpectedly turn into a camel. I had no control over this werecamel-like transformation. I was also popular enough that I was often invited to parties, but so embarrassed by my camel alter ego that I was forced to decline all of these party invitations, to avoid awkward camel moments.

nom

Two facts:

1. I always sleep with earplugs.
2. I keep a spoon and a Tupperware of peanut butter on my nightstand for when I wake up in the middle of the night and need to eat something.

The other night, I woke up with the spoon in my hand and peanut butter in my mouth, which isn't unusual, but what was unusual was that I was chewing on something. Turns out that I had somehow added an earplug to the spoonful of peanut butter, and was trying to eat the whole mess. Yum.

the donald

Boyfriend says this happened last night, when I took a second dose of Ambien, when the first one didn't seem to be working:

Boyfriend: You can't be asleep. You just took the Ambien three minutes ago.
Me: No, we were just talking to Donald Trump. He's crossing the plaza to come and talk to us.
Boyfriend: What plaza?
Me: The one in front of the Time Warner Center.
Boyfriend: Donald Trump? Why is he coming to talk to us?
Me: 'Cause.

hey, good-lookin'

Boyfriend sent me this from this morning: 

"That's a nice looking toilet." [30 second pause.] "I suppose it's because they don't have urinals."